Cure a Feminist






How To: Cure a Feminist

Turn an unshaven, militant, protesting vegan into an actual girl!

A feminist is just like any other woman: She won’t give you the time of day if you don’t know how to approach her. To prove you’re not part of the dreaded penisocracy, pretend to share her beliefs. But hide your lack of actual knowledge of feminist issues and show her how much you value her opinion by asking intelligent questions: “What must women do to earn equal pay for equal work?” or “Has Gloria Steinem’s marriage hurt the feminist agenda?” or “Did you see Cagney & Lacey on Lifetime last night?”

Don’t just wait for her to think differently—give her some options. Begin by discussing “lipstick” feminism, which is far more moderate than the combat-boot variety. “She can be a girly-girl and still be a feminist,” explains Jennifer Baumgardner, coauthor of Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future. “There’s no need to eschew things like shopping, makeup, or boyfriends.” Don’t think she’s ready for a Maxim subscription just yet? Sign her up for Bust, a feminist-lite mag that says women can be independent, strong, and relatively hairless.

Once a relationship is established, you should treat a feminist just like you’d treat any other girl you’re interested in, Baumgardner advises. As long as you’re not overbearing, she won’t object to your opening the occasional door or picking up a check. Next, unlock her repressed Malibu Barbie fantasies and buy her a tight tank top with FEMINIST printed on the chest from Tell her she looks great—but try to avoid phrases like “bodacious ta-tas.”

To preserve any chance of getting your chin buttered, you’ll have to reshizzle her feminist-tinged interests so you can actually spend time with her. “Focus on the things you have in common,” suggests Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage. She likes pro softball? Take her to a major-league game. She’s a staunch environmentalist? Go camping. She supports a woman’s right to reject the outdated mores of our male-dominated society? Tell her to get closer to your mike.

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night."

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted and refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already!"






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Revised: 09/24/13 10:19:47 -0400.