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Everybody dies.
It's a fact of life. But some people like to cross
over to the other side with some style.
Here is a sampling of ways to die.
Ants: Venom from a
single fire ant is minute; however, when an entire
ant colony is triggered into a massive attack the
concentration of venom is toxic. The venom contains
several allergenic proteins that can cause chest
pains, nausea, dizziness, shock, coma or death. Fire
ant fatalities since 1965: 4,289.
Barbecues:
For the last 100,000 years humans have eaten
fire-cooked meals. Sitting three times a day in
front of a smoking fire was the leading cause of
non-accidental death for the primitive man.
Nevertheless, the tradition persisted and became
America's favorite way to cook—77 percent of all
U.S. households own a barbecue and in 2004, 740
million servings of barbecue food were sold.
Barbecue cooking caused 203 incident-related
fatalities in 2003 and approximately 4,000 injuries
occurred to kids under 4 years old.
Chinese Food Syndrome:
This condition—caused by a pharmacologic reaction to
monosodium glutamate (MSG), a popular white powder
used to season food—sometimes mimics heart attacks,
causing chest pains, facial pressure and burning
sensations throughout the body. A 1995 FDA report
concluded that asthmatics and people who can't
tolerate large amounts of MSG may be at risk of
death, with no way to tell aside from trial and
error. Although MSG is no longer used regularly,
labeled as such, it is still found in many foods
labeled as "hydrolyzed soy protein" and "natural
flavoring(s)." Food additives killed 56,981 in 2002.
Dildos: In Texas,
Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Kansas, Colorado,
and Alabama there are laws that make the possession
of dildos illegal. There are 1,200 accidents
reported annually in emergency rooms for treatment
of conditions caused by the misuse of mechanical
dildos. While the Department of Justice lists no
murders from dildos, one female was killed in a car
crash on I-95 near Washington, D.C. in 2002,
apparently distracted while using a "Pocket Rocket"
driving home.
Exercise Equipment:
These are supposed to improve your health, right?
Sales of exercise equipment reached $6 billion in
2005, displaying America's urge to get fit. However,
since 1975, 4,399 people have died while using
exercise equipment such as treadmills, rowing
machines, weights, stationary bicycles, and
cross-country ski machines.
Fashion:
Throughout the ages, when it comes to women's
fashions, style has always beat comfort and form.
The stomach girdle was used by women as far back as
1800 B.C., to constrict their waists and amplify
their busts. Gone with the Wind's Scarlett O'Hara
had her waist tightened to an impossible 18 inches.
Total deaths due to artificial constriction since
1850: 29,865.
Golf: The most popular
sporting activity for people over 50 is golf. The
third and 18th holes are the most fatal, with 3,120
golfers dying in a five-year study period, usually
in the rough or in sand traps. Most deaths on the
golf course are health related; only two percent are
caused by golf clubs or golf balls.
Halitosis: Each year,
Americans spend $2 billion on toothpaste,
toothbrushes, oral-care gum, mouthwash, and breath
mints, yet 90 million people still have chronic
halitosis, known in the common vernacular as "bad
breath." The particular danger here comes from an
infection caused by Helicobacter pylori, a cancer
causing agent that can lead to stomach cancer among
other things. This bad breath does not originate in
the mouth but rises from the stomach. Halitosis
appeared as either the primary or secondary cause of
death on 31,987 death certificates in 2002.
Impotence: Overexertion
is the primary cause of death when taking potency
medications. Viagra is relatively safe except when
mixed with nitroglycerin, a drug given to many heart
patients. But many men don't care about the risks,
saying "If I have to go out, that's the way I want
to go out." Deaths among men after taking impotence
drugs are at 11,344 per year.
Jaywalking: Mother
always said look both ways before crossing the
street. More than half of pedestrian fatalities are
due to jaywalking. And jaywalkers hit by cars are
not considered victims but lawbreakers. In New York
City, a driver hit an 80-year-old woman and he was
arrested for driving without a license, not for the
woman's death. Jaywalking fatalities since 1990:
14,902.
Kissing: Kissing
disease, or mononucleosis (also known as "mono"), is
a contagious viral infection transmitted primarily
by sharing saliva. The infection most often infects
kissing-crazy 15-to 17-year olds, and causes fever
from 102 to 104 degrees, red throats, swollen lymph
glands in the neck and swollen spleens. Epstein-Barr
virus, considered the cause in infectious mono, is
attributed to 7,000 deaths per year.
Latex: Latex
sensitivity is an allergy to anything rubber,
including medical gloves, condoms, birth control
devices, balloons and underwear bands. The body does
not detoxify latex; the greater the exposure and the
longer the person touches the latex, the harsher the
reaction. Since 1995, rubber allergies have killed
3,976.
Masturbation: People
who die while masturbating do so accidentally and
not because they had hairy palms or warts, went
blind, or bumped into something with an erection and
died of internal bleeding. Through the 1950s,
masturbation was called the hidden plague and a
"killer of youth." Death or disability can occur,
however, when untested props are used. Three
middle-aged men died from electrocution, somehow
employing a hair dryer into their practices and an
elderly man died of a heart attack while
masturbating with a vacuum cleaner. 3,761 die while
engaging in autoerotic activities in the United
States each year.
Nonstick pans: Nonstick
coated aluminum cookware with damaged or scratched
surfaces emit toxic fumes when used. Since smoke or
carbon monoxide detectors do not register toxic
cooking fumes, some avoid death from scratched pots
and pans by keeping parakeets and canaries in the
kitchen— they expire promptly when a malfunctioning
nonstick frying pan is in use. 1,500 lung disease
deaths have been directly attributed to these
popular utensils.
Oral Sex: When a woman
receives oral sex (cunnilingus) air should not be
blown into the vagina as it can enter the
bloodstream and create an embolism—an air
bubble—that can kill the recipient in a matter of
seconds. However, a full burst of air, as in blowing
up a balloon, is required to achieve this. Other
items of odd or irregular shapes (carrots, candles,
batteries, soap-on-a-rope) used to create
self-excitement can cause these air bubbles as well
as they allow more air in than out during the
process. 919 women die each year of an embolism
obtained while engaging in oral sex and regular
intercourse.
Popcorn: Popcorn is the
nation's most popular snack food with 17.2 billion
quarts consumed each year. In 2004, the EPA began to
test vapors released from fully-popped bags of
microwaved popcorn. Popcorn factory workers and
those at home who inhale microwave popcorn fumes on
a regular basis got a rare lung disease from the
combustion of dactyl, one of the ingredients in
artificial butter flavoring. In 2003, 24 died from
inhaling popcorn fumes.
Q-Fever: Originally
called Query Fever (possibly referring to the
questionable means of acquiring it), it is a disease
from a bacterium understood to be transmitted to
humans by sheep, goats, and other herd animals.
Sheep can live with this bacterium in their bodies
but humans cannot. The most direct way to contract
Q-Fever (which requires extremely close contact with
the animal) is to be amorously involved with sheep,
although only two percent of the people infected
have admitted to these practices. 65 percent of
people who acquire Q-Fever from sheep through
"unorthodox means" eventually die—2,302 since 1995.
Revolving Doors: There
were 12,231 injuries involving revolving doors alone
in 2004. A 37-year-old woman was hit in the ankle so
hard with a fast-moving revolving door that her
anterior tibial artery ruptured and she died of
internal bleeding. Since 1970, mechanical devices,
including revolving doors, escalators, auto lifts,
and automatic doors have caused 7,491 fatalities.
Sperm Allergy: Starting
in 1958, medical records list women who died from
bad chemistry—they were allergic to the protein in
sperm. Death from sperm allergies starts with
swelling around the eyes, sneezing, nasal
congestion, vomiting, and diarrhea. When there's too
much sperm, a woman's airways swell so much that she
actually dies from lack of air. Sperm allergy
fatalities since 1958: 415.
Toilets: Unlike other
human endeavors like dancing or painting, the time
one spends on the toilet has not earned as much
print. The average male will sit on his throne the
equivalent of three workweeks each year. The most
prevalent hindrance to productive toilet time is
constipation, prompting over 2.5 million to visit
the doctor and spend more than $300 million on
laxatives each year. Most deaths while sitting on
the toilet occurred from attempts to forcibly push
out the contents of the bowels while keeping the
nose and the mouth closed. The barometric pressure
in the lungs can get out of balance causing the
compressions that pump blood through the heart to
malfunction. 1,213 die from complications caused by
aggressive pushing during toilet time each year.
Umbrellas: In 2002, a
Georgia man died when a large pool umbrella he had
set up in his backyard was dislodged by a strong
wind and sent cartwheeling toward him at the other
end of his property, impaling him through the neck
and chest. He died at the hospital later that
evening. Total injuries from all types of umbrellas
since 1975: 19,867; Total fatalities: 91.
Valentine's Day: "From
Your Valentine" is duplicated on $937 million worth
of greeting cards; another $100 million is spent on
candy and flowers each year. With all this attention
focused on love, it's no wonder that many who do not
have it become agitated and depressed. To avoid
feelings of rejection, 15 percent of American women
send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day. Annual
suicides the week before and after Valentine's Day:
approximately 2,900.
Water: In January
2000, a 20-year-old army trainee guzzled
12 quarts of water, trying to make a clean urine
specimen for a drug test. Shortly thereafter, she
endured fecal abandon, lost consciousness, and
became confused; she died from swelling in the brain
and lungs as a result of low blood sodium. Over 700
chemicals are found in a glass of tap water, causing
138,000 miscarriages a year.
X-rays: Every time you
get an X-ray, radiation, measured in millirems (mrems)
enters the soft tissue of your body and remains
there nearly forever. It's been proven that people
who are exposed to more than 10,000 mrems of
radiation in their lifetime, from whatever source,
will develop cancer. Even with lead protection or
other usage guidelines in place, the moment an X-ray
enters the body cell physiology begins to change.
20,000 a year die due to radiation exposure.
Yawning: Reading about
yawning increases yawning as does seeing another
person yawn. For centuries, doctors saw no harm in
yawning, believing it was either a reflex to
increase oxygen supply or to expel excessive carbon
dioxide. But the real cause of a yawn remains a
mystery. Today, medicine looks at the yawn
suspiciously only if it occurs in excess. In 2004,
yawning while driving caused 1,400 deaths.
Zoofatalism: This is a
psychological disorder in which the afflicted get
dangerously close to zoo animals or keep wild
animals as pets against better judgment. At an
Illinois fairground, one 19-year-old tiger keeper
was mauled to death when he climbed on top of a cage
full of circus tigers and started to defecate. The
angry tigers latched onto his ankles and ate him, a
piece at a time, as they pulled him through the
cage. Since 1999, prospective zoo employees have
been subjected to psychological testing. Fatalities
by zoo animals since 1965: 1,570.
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