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The Seven Kinds
of
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Sex for Seniors
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LOUD SEX
A wife went
in to see a
therapist
and said,
"I've got a
big problem,
doctor.
Every time
we're in bed
and my
husband
climaxes, he
lets out
this
ear-splitting
yell."
"My dear,"
the shrink
said,
"that's
completely
natural. I
don't see
what the
problem is."
"The problem
is," she
complained,
"It wakes me
up!"
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SOCIAL SECURITY
SEX
Two men were
talking, and the
first one says,
"So, how's your
sex life?"
"Oh, nothing
special. I'm
having Social
Security sex,"
says the second
guy.
"Social Security
sex?"
"Yeah, you know:
I get a little
each month, but
not enough to
live on!"
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CONFOUNDED
SEX
A man was in an
accident and his
"manhood" was
mangled and torn
from his body.
His doctor
assured him that
modern medicine
could give him
back his
manhood, but
that his
insurance
wouldn't cover
the surgery,
since it was
considered
cosmetic. The
doctor said the
cost would be
$3,500 for
"small," $6,500
for "medium,"
and $14,000 for
"large."
The man thought
about it and was
sure he would
want a medium or
large, but the
doctor urged him
to talk it over
with his wife
before he made
any decision
The man called
his wife on the
phone and
explained their
options.
The doctor came
back into the
room, and found
the man looking
dejected.
"Well, what have
the two of you
decided?" asked
the doctor.
The man
answered, "She'd
rather remodel
the kitchen."
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QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life,
the man came right out and asked
his wife during a recent
lovemaking, "How come you never
tell me when you have an
orgasm?"
She looked at him casually and
replied, "You're never home!"
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WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a
bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you
die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife -
Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you
die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads: 'Here Lies My
Husband - Stiff At Last.' "
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NO SEX
The husband came home with a
tube of KY Jelly and said to his
long-suffering wife, "This will
make you happy tonight!"
He was right. When he went out
of the bedroom, she squirted it
all over the doorknobs, and he
couldn't get back in.
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OLD SEX
One night an 87-year-old woman
came home from Bingo to find her
92-year-old husband in bed with
another woman.
She became violent and ended up
pushing him off the balcony of
their 20th-floor assisted-living
apartment...killing him
instantly.
Brought before the court on a
charge of murder, she replied to
the judge who asked her if she
had anything to say in her
defense: "Yes, your honor," I
have something to say. I figured
that at 92, if he could have
sex ... he could fly."
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"You
son of a bitch!
After all the years
I've given you, you
take up with a
younger woman." |
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