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How To:
Cure a Feminist
Turn an unshaven, militant, protesting vegan into an actual girl!
1. WIN HER OVER
A feminist is just like any other woman: She won’t give you the time of
day if you don’t know how to approach her. To prove you’re not part of
the dreaded penisocracy, pretend to share her beliefs. But hide your
lack of actual knowledge of feminist issues and show her how much you
value her opinion by asking intelligent questions: “What must women do
to earn equal pay for equal work?” or “Has Gloria Steinem’s marriage
hurt the feminist agenda?” or “Did you see Cagney & Lacey on
Lifetime last night?”
2. OPEN HER EYES
Don’t just wait for her to think differently—give her some options.
Begin by discussing “lipstick” feminism, which is far more moderate than
the combat-boot variety. “She can be a girly-girl and still be a
feminist,” explains Jennifer Baumgardner, coauthor of Manifesta:
Young Women, Feminism, and the Future. “There’s no need to eschew
things like shopping, makeup, or boyfriends.” Don’t think she’s ready
for a Maxim subscription just yet? Sign her up for Bust,
a feminist-lite mag that says women can be independent, strong, and
relatively hairless.
3. TREAT HER RIGHT
Once a relationship is established, you should treat a feminist just
like you’d treat any other girl you’re interested in, Baumgardner
advises. As long as you’re not overbearing, she won’t object to your
opening the occasional door or picking up a check. Next, unlock her
repressed Malibu Barbie fantasies and buy her a tight tank top with
FEMINIST printed on the chest from
outspokenclothing.com. Tell her she looks great—but try to
avoid phrases like “bodacious ta-tas.”
4. SHIFT HER FOCUS
To preserve any chance of getting your chin buttered, you’ll have to
reshizzle her feminist-tinged interests so you can actually spend time
with her. “Focus on the things you have in common,” suggests Michele
Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage. She likes pro
softball? Take her to a major-league game. She’s a staunch
environmentalist? Go camping. She supports a woman’s right to reject the
outdated mores of our male-dominated society? Tell her to get closer to
your mike.
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A professor told dirty jokes in
class and the women wanted to protest it. So they
decided that in the next time that the professor will
start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the
class as a protest.
Somehow the
professor heard about the plan.
In the next
lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In
Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night."
All the women
stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted
after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden
doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."
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A radical feminist is getting
on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up
from his seat.
She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to
keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by
offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and
she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again.
She is insulted and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to
let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already!"
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